Getting back to it
I’ve got a lot of things to get back to. I realised a long time ago that I’ve spent far more time watching people take part in my hobbies on YouTube and Reddit than actually taking part in them myself. I don’t think this is a problem unique to me, but I suspect the solution might have to be quite personal.
There was an incredible but brief moment of clarity a few years ago where, while watching MightyCarMods replace the cam cover gasket on a car, I realised I needed to do exactly the same job and could be having the fun they were having. Even though on that occasion I shut the laptop and actually went and did the job, I didn’t manage to hold onto that clarity for very long. Years later I still find myself feeling frustrated with the things I enjoy, anxious, or impatient.
So here I am, trying another experiment. I’m hoping that taking the time a few times a week to write down what I’ve done (probably with a lot of general musings mixed in) might help me slow down and engage with everything a bit more. This isnt written in the hope that anyone will read it, its more that by uploading it somewhere it feels less malleable.
Its a pretty good way of practicing writing too. I feel its a good time, with the rise of so much AI text, to find a voice I’m happy with. I am going to have to work on the overly melancholic tone though, its a bit much.